


You're Not Broken

by thestoryofme13



Series: More Than One Way to Love [1]
Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series), Thomas Sanders
Genre: Human AU, M/M, Multi, poly/mono
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-22
Updated: 2018-04-22
Packaged: 2019-04-26 08:37:19
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,171
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14398341
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thestoryofme13/pseuds/thestoryofme13
Summary: Virgil struggles with realizing that he might be different when it comes to love.





	You're Not Broken

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: So in this fandom we often focus on the pairings and LAMP, which is great and I love it so much…but as someone who is in a monogamous/polyamorous relationship, I wanted a bit more representation so with some help, I created this. There are many different versions of polyam and one is not more right than another. I just thought I’d offer this. 
> 
> Edit: This was going to be canon verse but I wanted to add so much more so now I switched it to human AU hoping it flows okay.
> 
> Warnings: Crying, Panic Attack, Cursing

Virgil and Logan had been dating for a couple of months, it had all come so effortlessly. That is until it didn’t. Until Virgil realized that he was going to ruin the best damn thing that had ever happened to him.

Why did he have to be such a fuck up? He had to agree with Logan, that feelings were complicated and that he’d be better off without them.

 **  
**These feelings that he had for him were so close to what he felt for Logan. How could he even have those feelings for another person? Did he even love Logan? Had he ever truly loved him? If he was capable of having feelings for another person was he even supposed to be in a relationship? Virgil was happy. Logan made him happy but this person also made him happy. **  
**

Virgil couldn’t have both of them. That wasn’t a thing. If he were to have both of them he would be weird and greedy. He could just push down these feelings, they would subside so long as he didn’t think about it, right?

A few weeks had passed since Virgil had recognized these feelings and tried to push them away. He tried the only way he knew how he put up walls. These were walls that even Logan couldn’t break down, no matter how hard he tried. Virgil wanted to be honest with Logan, hiding his feelings felt like lying and he didn’t want to lie. It was figuratively killing him. He had never shut Logan out, at least not since they were dating. Keeping his distance from Roman was uncommon especially since they had grown so close.

Ever since Patton had suggested forced Roman and Virgil to work out their differences their friendship had been very different. Where it used to just be bantering and nicknames that could come across as cruel the pair soon discovered they had much more in common than previously thought. They both appreciated Disney movies even and on most days they could hold an intelligent conversation on particular plot lines or cliches that are overused. Other days they would hang out in the commons with Roman verbalizing his ideas while Virgil would practice giving constructive criticism.

* * *

Logan had noticed Virgil pulling away, he wasn’t dumb. He had considered a few possibilities, most of them ending in the fact that he had messed up. Logan couldn’t figure out what he had done wrong but if he could correct said mistake, then he would try.

He finally found the courage he needed to confront Virgil and ask him what he could do to try to fix what happened or even to receive some clarity about what he did to make his boyfriend so angry. He approached the door hesitantly, almost as if the door could open any moment and his world would come crashing down. Logically, he knew that the statistical probability of that happening was minuscule.That Virgil breaking up with him would not be the end of the world. But the thing about love was that it often wasn’t logical. He often couldn’t fit everything he felt into neat little boxes and label them accordingly.

* * *

**  
**After letting go of a breath he was unaware he was holding he knocked. Although this was not his usual confident knock. This knock was short and hesitant as if he wanted Virgil to ignore it. **  
**

A few moments later the door opened and Virgil looked at the person in front of him, “Lo?” He asked unsure of why the nerd was at his door looking about as nervous as Virgil felt constantly.

Logan pushed past him walking into the room and turning to face his boyfriend, “Virgil I get that I may have done something that has upset you, for which I am truly sorry. I have gone through every conversation and I cannot figure out what I did wrong.”

Virgil sighed and slumped against the door. “I–you didn’t do anything…It’s me,” he whispered barely loud enough for Logan to hear.

Logan stared at him, “What do you mean it’s you? You haven’t done anything wrong….”

Virgil looked down at the floor, avoiding his boyfriend’s gaze, “But I have. Logan, I’m broken. Something is wrong with me.” His nervous habit of chewing on the sleeves of his clothing muffling his words to a whisper.

Logan walked toward Virgil, gently taking his hand, “You are not broken. Please talk to me. Let me prove those voices in your head wrong.”

Virgil shook his head the tears falling freely, “You should just break up with me. You don’t want me.”

Logan’s hand moved up Virgil’s arm and lifted the shorter man's chin. Now looking in his boyfriend’s eyes, his heart hurt at the pain and fear he saw, “Please, V. I can’t read your mind. I assure you I will listen. I promise.” His voice cracking ever so slightly, at a loss for words on how to help his boyfriend.

Virgil let out the breath he had been holding, trying to shift his eye contact anywhere but Logan’s face, “I–I have feelings for Roman… I get it. I am broken. I’m wrong.” He wrapped his arms around himself trying to ground himself, “If you wanna break up with me then please be quick and don’t give me any cliche lines about how we can still be friends. Just rip the band-aid off.”

Logan wrapped his arms around his boyfriend and pulled him close, “Virgil you are not broken. You are not wrong. It is possible to love more than one person.” He chuckled a little, “In fact. there is a word for it. People who are capable of loving more than one person at once often refer to themselves as polyamorous.”

“Lo–can’t breathe.”Virgil’s breath hitched as the tears flowed faster,

Logan moved them to Virgil’s bed as he knelt in front of his boyfriend. He put Virgil’s hand over his heart as they had talked about this being a good grounding technique, “Alright Virgil I’m going to walk you through a breathing exercise like we’ve done before, in for four, hold for seven, out for eight. Try to match each breath with my heartbeat, V.”

Virgil closed his eyes feeling the other's heartbeat beneath his hand, trying to focus on his breathing and matching it with the steady rhythm of Logan’s hear. A few minutes later, after focusing on nothing but his breathing and Logan’s heartbeat; his uneven and shallow breathing had become more under control, or as much as it would be. He opened his eyes and was met with Logan’s reassuring smile.

Logan smiled and placed his hand over Virgil’s, “Virgil I think you might be polyamorous. I know it sounds scary but I promise it isn’t. All it means is that you have so much love to give that sometimes another person is also deserving. And you know what?”

Virgil shook his head, prompting Logan to continue, “I don’t care that you are polyamorous. I love you all the same. If you wanted to pursue something with Roman while still dating me, that is okay. Obviously Roman would need to consent but given the way he has been acting, I don’t see that as an issue.”

Virgil smiled softly at Logan, “You’d really be okay with me dating both of you?”

Logan kissed Virgil’s cheek, “It would take some getting used to, but it is not fair of me to tell you to try and push these feelings aside. I have seen the toll it is taking on you. You love him…and you love me. As long as you don’t also expect me to date Roman then it will all work out. Would you like me to go talk to him with you?”

Virgil lept into Logan’s arms so thankful that his boyfriend was understanding and willing to ease his fears, “Please come with me?”

Logan nodded as he moved them both to a standing position, interlacing his fingers with Virgil’s as they headed out of the room to find Roman.

* * *

They found Roman watching Disney movies in the commons by himself. The pair stood in front of the TV knowing that was the only way to get Roman’s attention. **  
**

Roman whined, “You two make a better door than a window. Kindly step aside, lovebirds.”

Logan shook his head, “Roman we need to talk to you.”

Roman’s eyes widened with intrigue, “About?”

Logan and Virgil moved to the sofa facing Roman. Logan was the first one to speak, “I know you have feelings for Virgil.” His voice not threatening or angry but gentle and reassuring.

Roman blushed deeply, opening his mouth to speak but Logan motioning him to be quiet. Then Virgil spoke up, looking at the ground like it was the most fascinating thing, “and–I” Virgil paused taking a deep breath, “-have feelings for you Roman.” In an effort to hide his blush from Roman Virgil hid his face in the crook of Logan’s neck, worried about Roman’s reaction.

Roman looked between the two, “Is this some kind of joke? Are you two breaking up?”

Logan laughed a little, “Quite the opposite actually. I believe that it is entirely possible that Virgil is polyamorous, meaning that he can love more than one person at a time. While I myself am monogamous, I do understand that it is a natural thing, for some people love is capable of being given to multiple people at one time. It does not mean he loves me any less.”

Roman furrowed his brows, “What do you mean?”

Logan rolled his eyes, “Well considering that your feelings are mutual.” He looked between the two, “I was merely suggesting that maybe you two could also start a relationship.”

Virgil looked at Roman, “I do really like you Roman and I love Logan. This will take some getting used to and I know that it isn’t exactly ‘normal’ but would you be willing to give it a try?”

Roman smiled, “While I have never heard of someone dating more than one person, I would love the chance to make you happy and woo you, Virge. Especially considering that Logan is okay with it.” He looked at Logan, “And you  **are**  completely okay with this, right teach?”

Logan nodded, “Although it is a little scary I am certain Virgil would be at his happiest if he were to have both you and I as his partners.” He looked at Virgil, “While I can’t say that this will be easy, it is possible that I might get jealous, but I will try my best to remember that you can love both of us.”

“Of course I can love you both equally. I know this will be an adjustment and you are allowed to feel jealous. Just remember that this is a relationship, I know you are focused on my happiness, but I’m concerned with yours as well and Roman’s now,” Virgil smiled looking between the two.

Logan blushed but continued, “I just want Virgil to be happy and for him to stop pushing us both away. We can both make him happy.” He leaned over and kissed Virgil’s cheek.

“You have a point, specs.” Roman raised an eyebrow, “I have one more question. Are you and I dating then?” **  
**

Logan shook his head and laughed, “No Princey. There are many forms of polyamoroury, just because we have a mutual partner doesn’t mean we are dating.” He looked lovingly at Virgil, “I don’t think I am capable of loving more than one person.” He paused, cupping Virgil’s cheek, “Virgil has metaphorically stolen my heart. Some of us are blessed with more love to give than others and it so happens that I have fallen in love with one of those people.”

Virgil blushed, playfully batting Logan’s arm. Then he grabbed Roman’s hand and pulled him closer, kissing his cheek, “Cuddle pile. Even though, you two aren’t dating,  I’m dating both of you now so therefore you will be seeing a lot of each other.”

Roman and Logan groaned in unison, gaining them glares from Virgil, “You two love me and want me to be happy, right? This, right here is what I want.”

The other two men shared a mischievous look, then kissing Virgil’s cheek. Virgil shrieked, not expecting both of his boyfriend’s to gang up on him, turning to bury his face in the back of the couch.

Roman rolled his eyes and pulled Virgil into his lap leaning against the back of the couch. Virgil pulled Logan against his chest, creating something akin to a human train. Once all three of them had gotten comfortable with Virgil squished between Logan and Roman, they started the movie back up. After weeks of feeling lost and afraid, Virgil finally felt whole. There was a word for who he was and how he felt. He didn’t have to pick between the two people he loved, he was capable of loving them both equally.  


End file.
